VAGUE?

How would i write?...How would I start? Things seem unclear to me remembering the happenings in my past, reminiscing that things/ moments that made me who I am now?. Life changes constantly as constant as we met different people. when I was child, I would say that " I'm very vigorous but facing what ever came along, I was happy after all no matter what the result was. Enduring to what new that time was an exciting moment for me. I don't know if this is the what they called inspired- feeling... but yes I would agree, I was and I did, but still illucid for me. I just can't figure- out or believe on the notion that we could able to do better if we are in this feeling, maybe I was just enthusiastically doing things that time because of curiosity or by the innate nature.
Relating to who am I now, I would say that I have changed 360 degrees and I don't know why; i am very careful about doing something in an extremely accurate and exact way, this is my settled standard now  that I should exercise always. I do not engage to any activity right away because of the fear of negative results, curiosity to new things of course still present but before appealing to it I reflect. Now here I would admit that I'm not inspired but still vague to me if this changes merely done by this feeling or just made or demanded by the nature.