Forbidden Love

I am not expecting this person to read this letter... I was fell in love to this person when I was in my younger age, I can't pursue, fight, show or express my special feelings to (  ) not because were too young to plight our emotion but because I was just like standing on a rock on the middle of the river full of dangerous reptiles ravening for a bounty food. One amiss move would be enough to ruin my morality  as well as might affect my family. Protecting and maintaining an unstained white cloth would had been the chain that tied my heart for how many years, all illogical preventions I had made just to survive against the norms of the society.

You know even I was not able to express my feelings for you I know you noticed how I have changed after we used to be so closed as friends. I know you didn't make different move when our friends bullying me against you upon knowing that I love you, I was very uncomfortable every time they doing that but even I felt humiliated I let them to do that contemplating that you will build a wall between us even my heart would bleed when you did it, but you didn't. I don't know what to do that time: you stood still, you never changed, you treated me the same way. I was thinking that time you are waiting for me to confess you personally. but NO I steadily go forth to the conclusion that it was an unlawful feelings; I set aside my personal happiness my affection from you. I push you away, I used to disrupt our friendship, I acted very unfair, very baleful though my heart had begging to stop me, begging to just go with the flow grieving from hurting you. I was very frantic, the world dictating me to follow what is just relying to its standard...how hard to heal the pangs after ensuing to it.

I was wretched for what I have chosen, for what I have believed on and for what I have did. I hurt myself and either you; sorry i can say if you were too... years of struggling, years in pain and years before I could able to move on. YES it was my decision, it is the most remarkable moment in my life which such I have learned very much and that should not happen again. YES you are my first love, a forbidden love. I know you would understand.

Your friend

Mhe